Building Confidence Like a Black Lab

Building confidence isn’t about taking giant leaps—it’s about building experience capital through small, intentional steps. In this article, I share how my Black Lab, Midnight, unknowingly taught me a powerful lesson about growth when she faced her first big snowstorm. Her cautious yet curious approach mirrors how we, too, can embrace uncertainty, reflect on our experiences, and build resilience over time.

We’ve all heard the advice: “just do it,” “face your fears,” or “go big or go home.” But if you’re like me, those phrases can feel more like pressure than motivation—especially when fear or uncertainty creeps in. So how do you actually get better at facing fears and new challenges?

One way is by taking a cue from my black Lab-mixed princess, Midnight, and how she handled her first big snowstorm.

A Lesson in Experience Capital

A month after we rescued Midnight, nearly two feet of snow blanketed the ground. Curious about how she’d react, I let her outside into our fenced backyard.

She cautiously sniffed the freshly shoveled snow near the door, then stepped onto the deck, taking slow, pensive steps toward the stairs. From there, she surveyed the white wilderness, sniffed the air, and—after what seemed like deep contemplation—leapt in.

I grabbed my phone just in time to capture her bounding through the snow as if hopping on a cloud. When she made it back to the top of the deck, she stopped and stared back at the cold, fluffy powder she just finished traipsing. 

I wondered what was going through her mind—was she weighing whether she’d do it again? Was she deciding if it had been worth it? In the video, you can hear me asking for her “thoughts” before I decided that she should come inside and dry off before too long.

Midnight’s moment of “reflection” stuck with me because I realized that we humans often forget to pause after new experiences. We either move on too quickly, missing an opportunity to reflect and acknowledge growth, or we fixate on what didn’t go right, beating ourselves up mercilessly. But taking time to reflect is how we build lasting confidence, learn from our experiences, and apply those lessons moving forward.

A recent Harvard Business Review article introduced the term experience capital, explaining that while education and entry-level skills matter, our real earning potential comes from knowledge, skills, and wisdom gained through experience.

It outlined multiple ways to build experience capital—including mentoring, peer learning, professional development—but one of the most powerful ways is simply going through new experiences and reflecting on them.

Here are some simple reflection questions to turn experiences into learning:  🔹 What worked? 

🔹 What didn’t? 

🔹 What might I do differently next time? 

🔹 What have I learned about myself? 

🔹 What do I want to celebrate about my growth through this experience?

I like to imagine Midnight standing there, silently asking herself something similar: “What do I think about that white stuff? Do I want to spend a little more time in it next time? Am I the kind of dog that likes snow?”

The next day, I got my answer—she went barreling past my sons while they played outside, kicking up snow like a seasoned winter dog.

My Own “Leap-Off-the-Deck” Moment

I had my own standing-on-the-deck, staring-at-the-snow moment when I was first starting my coaching and consulting practice.

I applied to speak at an event for over 100 HR professionals in a TED-style format. I submitted my video application (filmed on my phone) a day before the deadline—without really considering what would happen if I got accepted.

The title slide of my DisruptRVA presentation in 2018

Then, I got the email: I was in.

Panic set in. I didn’t have a prepared talk, any service offerings, or a website...I’m not sure I even had my business license or name yet. I had "leapt off the deck” into something I wasn’t prepared for that was way outside my comfort zone.

And I did stumble. My slides were amateur-ish, and my nerves showed in the beginning. But as a result of taking the leap—I reconnected with an old acquaintance who was president of a leadership development institute. That connection led to me becoming one of their first external contractors in 2018, and I’ve been working with them regularly ever since.

Not all of my early speaking gigs led to business, but they all contributed to my experience capital, making me a more confident speaker over time.

You Can’t Hack Confidence—But You Can Build It

Despite what some self-help books claim, you can’t “hack” confidence—but you can build it. True confidence comes from trusting yourself: trusting that you’ll either know what to do, know how to figure it out, or know who to ask for help.

That’s why I created the TRUST Cycle™, a simple framework I use with coaching clients to help them build confidence through experience. It consists of these actions:

💡 Tuning in – Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings without judgment. 

💡 Risking mistakes/failure – See the opportunity as a chance to gain experience. 

💡 Using feedback – View feedback as a growth tool, not a personal criticism. 

💡 Self-reflecting – Pause to ask yourself questions like those above. 

💡 Tweaking – Incorporating what worked and adjusting what didn’t for the future.

Then, when faced with a new challenge the next time, you'll be better able to "Tune in" and recognize that you've navigated similar challenges or other experiences successfully in the past...creating a greater sense of real confidence. You've cemented the experience into your mental toolkit and reinforced that new challenges are simply new experiences awaiting your reflection, evaluation…and growth.

Want to Build More Confidence & Experience Capital?

Here are some great resources to help you lean into new experiences with confidence:

📌 Confidence QuickStart: The TRUST Cycle™ – A simple framework for building confidence through self-trust.

 📌 From 4 Days to Forever – How leaning into discomfort transformed my perspective.

 📌 Susan David’s TEDTalk on Emotional Courage – Learn how to “Tune in” and navigate emotions and uncertainty.

 📌HBR Article Exploring Experience Capital – Learn why real career growth comes from experience, not just education. The article is written for women, but the lessons are for everyone.

And because I celebrate my early attempts as part of my journey (as opposed to being embarrassed by them), here are the links to both those TED-style presentations:

 📌 Ambush Makeover...Development Edition

 📌 More Mixing...Less Quitting